crumble

   Crumble.  Not a word you hear everyday, so coming across the word three times on the same day caught my attention, caused me to stop and wonder, "What's crumbling in my life?"  It sort of has a negative connotation. "Crumble".  Falling apart.  Deteriorating.  Failure.  That's what first came to mind.

   But then I realized it isn't necessarily an entirely negative word.  What's crumbling?  My old way of thinking, of relating to God.  My long-held doubts and deep-seated wounds -- these are slowly but steadily crumbling.

   And why? I think mainly because on January 1st of this year I made a decision to read through the Bible, a daily journey that's taking me deeper into the mind and heart of God, though this side of heaven it's a mere scratch on the surface of His infinite glory, grace and love.  It's in this Book, this supernatural, living, breathing, powerful Book, that I read of, and meet with, a God who creates, and calls, and covenants with, people.

   People not unlike me.  Imperfect.  Doubters.  Liars.  Lusters.  Scaredy cats.  Sinners.

   But God does it anyway.  He makes the first move, and the next move, and He promises to make the last move.  Always, it's His move.  And I can't help but respond to this Jesus.  It's His love that's captured my heart and shaken my 35-year old foundation to its very core.

  I've started to not believe that God is distant and un-interested in me.  I've started to not believe that His good, pleasing and perfect plan for my life somehow fell through the cracks.  And I've started to not believe that God isn't going to come through and finish the good work He's begun in me.

   The walls I built in my unbelief and pain, they are a-crumblin'.  I don't know when or how it's all going to come together, His plan.  But that's where faith like that of father Abraham kicks in.  Though his body was as good as dead, from him were born as many as the stars in the sky, innumerable as the sand.

   So I'm letting this cookie crumble.  I'm in good hands.